5 Things You Need To Overcome Self-Doubt and Build Confidence
Alexa Winer, AMFT
An Interview With Stanley Bronstein of Authority Magazine
Self-doubt can hold people back from reaching their full potential, whether in their careers, relationships, or personal growth. Confidence is a skill that can be developed, but what are the most effective strategies to overcome negative self-talk and build lasting self-assurance? In this interview series, we are talking to mindset coaches, psychologists, authors, and other experts who can share actionable insights on overcoming self-doubt and cultivating confidence. As a part of this series we had the pleasure of interviewing Alexa Winer
Alexa Winer is a Registered Associate Marriage & Family Therapist and works at ClearMind Psychological Services founded by Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Melony Cohen (https://clearmindservices.com). She earned two Master’s degrees, one in Clinical Psychology and one in Marriage and Family Therapy, from Pepperdine University. Her therapeutic blends Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness practices to help clients strengthen emotional expression, self-confidence, and resilience.
Alexa is passionate about working with children and adolescents, creating a supportive space to feel safe, build self-esteem, and explore their identities during life transitions. She also supports young adults and couples, drawing on her Gottman Method Couples Therapy Level 1 & 2 training to provide evidence-based tools for strengthening communication and connection.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
Igrew up in the suburbs of Chicago as an only child. From a young age, I was curious about the “why” behind people’s emotions and behaviors, which sparked my interest in psychology. In high school, I had my first introduction to the brain and human behavior, and that fascination continued through college at the University of Arizona and graduate school at Pepperdine University. Those experiences helped me grow independently and ultimately led me to pursue a career in therapy.
What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
I chose to become a therapist because I’ve always felt deeply passionate about helping others navigate their challenges and discover their inner strength. Witnessing the impact of therapy in my own life, as well as in the lives of people close to me, showed me how transformative the process can be. That experience inspired me to pursue this career so I could support others in finding healing, growth, and resilience.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
When I was first starting out with play therapy, I made the mistake of bringing out every toy I had for a child, including Legos, figurines, stickers, and Play-Doh. By the end of the session, the room looked like a tornado had passed through, with Play-Doh smushed into the carpet and toys scattered everywhere. I spent so long cleaning up that I ended up being late to my next session.
What I eventually learned is the importance of “you leave the mess with me.” On a surface level, it means the child does not clean up, I do. But more deeply, it is about giving children permission to bring their emotional mess into the room without needing to fix it themselves. My role is to hold it, to contain it, and to clean up afterward. That is part of how trust and safety are built.
I also learned that while providing choices and opportunities is essential, it does not mean putting every possible option on the table at once. Just as in life, kids do not need everything to grow, they need enough. Offering a thoughtful selection allows them to engage freely without overwhelm, while also modeling that boundaries and limits are healthy. That balance, freedom within structure and the assurance that the mess is cared for, is what helps children feel safe enough to explore.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
One of the projects ClearMind is working on that we’re excited about is planning an email newsletter that will be sent to schools we work with, as well as other parents and other providers who support children. The newsletter will include practical tools, tips, and strategies for parenting and supporting children’s social-emotional development. I think this will be helpful because it gives families and educators easy-to-access guidance and resources that they can apply in real life. Keep an eye out on our website, on our blog posts page; there will be an opportunity to sign up for the email newsletter there.
OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. If someone wanted to take on a major goal — like permanently losing 20 pounds, or writing a book — but wasn’t sure they could do it, where should they start?
If someone wanted to take on a major goal, whether it is losing weight, writing a book, or something else, the first step is to make sure they are approaching it from a healthy and balanced mindset. With something like losing 20 pounds, for example, it is important that the goal comes from a desire to feel good in your body, to improve health, and to make sustainable changes, rather than simply focusing on appearance. When the motivation is grounded in self-care, the process feels more meaningful, and the results are easier to maintain.
Goals should be intentional, realistic, and attainable. It is important to clearly define the goal, set a timeline, and create tangible ways to track progress. For example, instead of just saying, “I want to take better care of myself,” you could say, “I will go for a 30-minute walk three times a week and practice mindfulness, such as journaling or breathing exercises, three times a week before bed.” Breaking the goal down into concrete, measurable actions make it easier to stay on track and see progress over time.
How much of a role do you think belief plays in a person’s ability to succeed? In other words, how important is it to truly believe they can achieve something? Can you share a story or example that illustrates this?
Belief plays a significant role in a person’s ability to succeed. Research on self-fulfilling prophecy shows that our expectations can actually influence our performance. For example, if someone walks into an exam thinking, “I am going to get an A,” versus “I am going to fail,” that mindset can significantly impact their performance. Similarly, when we feel anxious about something, that worry takes up mental space and cognitive resources, leaving less capacity to focus on the task at hand.
It is also important to recognize the strong connection between body and mind. How we treat our bodies has a direct effect on our mental health and confidence. When we feel physically stronger, more energized, and well cared for, it often becomes easier to believe in our ability to handle challenges. Small practices can play a role here. For instance, adopting a “Superman pose” before a job interview, a simple posture of confidence, can help shift your mindset, reduce anxiety, and make it easier to perform at your best.
That does not mean, however, that belief alone is enough. We cannot simply tell ourselves we believe or assume that “manifesting” something will make it happen. True belief becomes powerful when it is combined with concrete, realistic, and attainable steps, along with the willingness to put in hard work even when setbacks occur. In fact, it is often in facing those small failures and persisting anyway that genuine confidence is built.
Motivation is key to getting started, but it inevitably fades. When that happens, what strategies do you recommend for staying committed and pushing forward?
Motivation naturally comes and goes, and it is important to be kind to yourself when it fades. Expecting that ups and downs will happen is crucial, because when a lull comes it will not take you off track or feel like a failure.
One helpful strategy is to take a short and intentional break, just enough time to recharge, and then return to the task with renewed energy. Another key idea is that you do not always need to feel motivated for the big overarching goal. It is enough to focus on the very next small step. Breaking things down into manageable actions helps you keep moving forward even when motivation is low.
It can also be powerful to reconnect with your deeper “why.” Reminding yourself of the reason the goal matters, whether it is improving your health, growing in your career, or being present for loved ones, can help reignite a sense of purpose. Progress does not come from bursts of motivation alone, but from consistent steps taken over time, even on the days when motivation is not there.
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What Are The 5 Things You Need To Overcome Self-Doubt and Build Confidence?
Here are five key things I think are essential for overcoming self-doubt and building confidence:
Reduce negative self-talk: Paying attention to the way we talk to ourselves is so important. Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this,” reframe it to something more constructive, like, “I’ll do my best and learn from the experience.” For example, I worked with a client who constantly criticized themselves before presentations. By practicing more supportive and positive self-talk, they were able to approach public speaking with less fear and more confidence.
Normalize experiences: It’s important to realize that everyone struggles or makes mistakes at some point. Knowing that setbacks are a shared experience can reduce feelings of isolation. I often remind clients that even highly successful and intelligent people encounter challenges; it is a normal part of learning and growth.
Validate emotions: Acknowledging how we feel instead of dismissing it helps build self-trust. For instance, if someone feels nervous about a new task, saying, “It makes sense you’re anxious; this is a new experience,” helps them move forward rather than get stuck in self-criticism.
Don’t set unrealistic expectations: Confidence grows when goals are attainable. Setting overly high expectations sets us up for disappointment. One client wanted to master a skill immediately, but by breaking it into smaller, realistic steps, they were able to celebrate progress along the way and build confidence steadily.
View setbacks as opportunities to learn: Instead of seeing failure as proof of inadequacy, reframing it as part of the growth process helps build resilience and confidence. For example, when someone tries something new and does not succeed at first, reflecting on what can be learned helps them approach the next attempt with more skill and self-assurance.
Have you worked with any clients or patients who achieved results that went beyond what they originally thought possible? If so, could you share a story or two to inspire our readers?
Yes, I’ve had the privilege of working with clients who achieved results that went far beyond what they initially thought possible.
One example is a 14-year-old girl who came to therapy at her mother’s request. In the beginning, therapy was extremely difficult. For months she barely spoke a word to me. Most of the time all I heard was “yes,” “no,” or most often “I don’t know.” Her mother was very strict and did not allow her daughter to make her own decisions. She was in a state of fear and wanted to protect her daughter from everything she could, but because that level of control was not realistic, the result was a profound diminishment of her daughter’s confidence and belief in herself. She never had the chance to make a mistake and then correct it, or to make a decision and discover that it was the right one. She had no practice in trusting herself. For months we played Uno in silence until one day I suggested she create her own game. She made up the rules from start to finish, and I think this was one of the very first times she experienced so much agency in something. Even though it was such a small act, I could see the spark in her face. That was where everything began to shift. Alongside working with her mother, who learned to give her daughter space, this was the turning point where real progress started to occur. Over time, she began to speak more, express herself outside of therapy, make friends, and build self-confidence.
Another example is an 11-year-old boy and his mother. This parent wanted desperately to have a close relationship with her son, but the intensity of that desire often made it harder for her to regulate her own emotions. She would become overwhelmed with fear that she was losing him, which spiraled into arguments and pushed him further away. She had been doubting her parenting skills and often relied on punishment. Their relationship was strained. Despite these challenges, she had a clear goal of improving their relationship and she pursued it with remarkable dedication. She took small steps every week. She brought notes to every session, shared examples from home, and most importantly, she was open to recognizing where she may have been wrong and was willing to reach out for help. This openness was the key. By learning new strategies, practicing patience, and continuing to take small steps even when results were not immediately visible, she slowly created real change. Over time, the yelling decreased, her son began sharing more openly, and she was able to respond with greater thoughtfulness. Their relationship strengthened in ways she had once thought impossible.
These experiences show how even small shifts in agency, openness, and patience can lead to profound and lasting growth for both children and parents.
Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
If I could inspire a movement, it would be one that encourages people to explore themselves and others more deeply. So much conflict comes from a lack of curiosity. We are quick to judge others’ perspectives without pausing to ask what experiences shaped them, and we often forget to reflect on why we hold our own views.
As a therapist, I see how transformative it is when someone feels truly understood. In families, friendships, and partnerships, real connection begins the moment judgment gives way to curiosity. When we shift from “you are wrong” to “help me understand where you are coming from,” trust and healing start to grow.
If more of us practiced that kind of reflection and openness in our daily lives, whether with a partner, a child, or even a stranger, we could begin to replace defensiveness with empathy. A movement rooted in curiosity and understanding would create stronger relationships, greater kindness, and ultimately a more compassionate world.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)
If I could have breakfast or lunch with anyone, it would be Brené Brown. I deeply admire her work on vulnerability, courage, and human connection, and I would love the chance to learn from her directly. I would also be honored to sit with pioneers in psychology such as John Bowlby, Sigmund Freud, or Anna Freud. Although they have passed, their contributions continue to shape the field in profound ways. Anna Freud’s work on child development and defense mechanisms has always stood out to me. Talking with any of them, whether in the present or imagining what those conversations might have been like, would be a fascinating opportunity to gain deeper insight into human behavior, relationships, and how we can better support children in navigating their emotions and building resilience.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can follow ClearMind Psychology online through our website (https://clearmindservices.com) and social media channels (@clearmindservices). We share resources, tips, and insights on therapy, mental health, and supporting children and families.
Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.
Read the full interview here: https://medium.com/authority-magazine/c1070a5f0c5f
